Like Humans Do
by Gaia Faye
Summary: Vejita experiences a human tradition: a birthday party. This is his perspective on the day. A songfic.


Disclaimer: Don't own the show, don't own the song.

Author's Note: This is my first (and maybe only ever) songfic. It features the song "Like Humans Do" by David Byrne, which came free with my Windows Media Player update. Heck, I got hooked on it, and within my mind it mingled with my DBZ obsession and after gestation this story was born. Enjoy.

Like Humans Do

I'm still Saiyajin, aren't I? I was born one, and my genes have certainly not altered.

So what the hell am I doing here?

--_  
For millions of years, in millions of homes,  
A man loved a woman. A child it was born.  
It learned how to hurt and it learned how to cry  
Like humans do._  
--

It's Bra's eighth birthday. I'm not sure how old she'd be in Saiyajin years. Younger I know, but I don't know exactly. That much I've forgotten.

The past years I've managed to forgo these little parties by simply going missing. Unfortunately, this year Bra made me promise to stay. She's become so conniving.

It's not a big deal, though. Just a party. With all the woman's foolish friends, who, according to her, are at least my acquaintances by extension. She would say that. But it's just one day. I can get through one day.

Bra spots me from across the yard and smiles brightly. Her white grin has a gap in it, and I remember just a few days ago she ran up to me and presented me with her tooth. She going on about how the "Tooth Fairy" was going to give her money for it. I remembered that this magical creature that apparently exchanged teeth for money was one of the many human fictional creatures, so I nodded and pretended that it was real like Bulma instructed me to do. Still, it's a bizarre custom.

Bra is still smiling at me.

I suppose this whole thing isn't so bad.

--_  
I'm breathin' in.  
I'm breathin' out.  
(Ohhhhhh!)  
So slip inside this funky house.  
(Ohhhhhh!)_  
--

Bra sits in front of her cake, which is displayed on the kitchen table. It's a huge custom job; multi-leveled with different flavored layers and miniature princess crowns and roses all over it. Bulma always insists to me that Bra is not spoiled, and doesn't understand when I laugh.

I smack Kakarot upside the head to wipe that starved look off his face. He is surprised, but then looks at me and laughs. He may be an idiot, but he knows his own appetite and that I won't have the cake destroyed by his greedy mouth before Bra can even blow out the candles.

Having lit all the candles, Trunks tells Bra to make a wish. She closes her eyes and concentrates. Her face is scrunched up in an amusing display of effort for a few moments, then she opens her eyes. She then proceeds to blow out each candle one-by-one. When she is done, Trunks tells her the wish only comes true if you snuff them out all at once. She just smiles at him and says it will still come true. Then she beams at me.

--_  
Dishes in the sink.  
TV's in repair.  
Don't look at the floor.  
Don't go up the stairs._  
--

It isn't long before the cake is dispensed and Kakarot is satisfied with an extra large piece. I said to Bulma that we should've gotten him his own damn cake. She thought I was serious and said it was a good idea and that she was happy I thought of his welfare. Hn. The only welfare I want to give him is a punch in the stomach.

But that would make a mess, and I've just finished stacking all the dirty dishes in the sink per my darling wife's request while everyone else runs back outside for fun. What am I? A slave? I can see how the rest of this day is going to turn out. I'd rather do something less inane, like watch television. Too bad Trunks broke it yesterday. I glance towards the staircase. Lurking around upstairs is much more favorable then becoming a maid for this silly party.

Too late. Bulma has come in to see what's taking me so long. She pulls me away from the stairs and scolds me for trying to run out on the rest of "Bra's Special Day". I glare at the ground begrudgingly let her lead me outside. She even berates me for looking so grumpy. Grr.

--_  
I'm achin'  
I'm shakin'  
I'm breakin'  
Like humans do._  
--

Bra approaches me with a slip of cloth. She needs me to blindfold her for some odd party game. I oblige her. I follow her over to where they've stuck a picture of a donkey on the house and tie the bandana around her eyes. I'm instructed to spin her around, so I turn her around a few times. Then I face her in the direction of the poster, and she cautiously walks forward.

Or more like diagonal. Her dizziness is truly making the game difficult. Despite encouraging directive comments from our guests, she winds up wandering towards the yard and away from the house.

--_  
I'm achin'  
I'm shakin'  
I'm breakin'  
Like humans do._  
--

The sound spilling from my mouth is even unfamiliar to me. I can't help but laugh. And I don't even care that most of the other people are staring at me in shock. Bra finally pulls the bandana off her head and realizes she's nowhere near the poster of the tail-less donkey. She looks at me and laughs.

"Hey, everybody!" Bulma yells from a line of picnic tables. "Lunch is served!"

Everyone forgets the spectacle I've made of myself and hurries to the buffet. When she thinks no one is looking, Bra hurries back to the poster and slaps the tail on the donkey's ass. When she turns around she realizes I've seen her and tries to look innocent.

"Come get your lunch, brat," I chuckle. Chuckling has become awkwardly common for me.

"I am not a brat," she says defensively. She prances over to me and grabs my hand, obviously intent on eating with me. "I am a princess!"

And who could deny it?

--  
_I work & I sleep & I dance & I'm dead.  
I'm eatin', I'm laughin', I'm loving myself.  
We're eatin' off plates  
And we kiss with our tongues  
Like humans do._  
--

The food is delicious. I'm just about finishing up my first portion when Bra runs off to get her second. Her developing Saiyajin metabolism is still intact, at least.

Bulma comes over and sits in Bra's empty chair. "You know," she says leaning over to me, "Bra is really happy that you're here."

I grunt and shovel in more food.

"I'm glad you're here to," she says more quietly and touches my arm.

I swallow my masticated bite of a sandwich and look at her.

Smiling, she moves her face close to mine, and next thing I know her tongue is in my mouth. Not that I complain.

--_  
I'm breathin' in.  
I'm breathin' out.  
(Ohhhhhh!)  
So slip inside this funky house.  
(Ohhhhhh!)_  
--

Our audience quickly reminds me of their presence with laughter and "oooo"s. Bulma giggles and wanders off to mingle. I am left alone under the smug stares of her bastard friends who mock my domestication.

--_  
Dishes in the sink.  
TV's in repair.  
Don't look at the floor.  
Don't go up the stairs._  
--

How I long for escape. Ugh.

--_  
I'm achin'  
I'm shakin'  
I'm breakin'  
Like humans do._  
--

Bra suddenly lunges out of nowhere and lands roughly in my lap. I grunt and blink down at her in surprise. She grins widely at me and wraps her arms around my neck. She hugs me tightly, and I can feel myself blushing as people see. Kakarot, still eating a pile of food, stops for a second and laughs. I think I shall kill him later.

But Bra distracts me from the thought. "I'm happy you're at my party, Papa!" she exclaims.

"No problem," I mutter.

She laughs and hugs me again.

--_ I'm achin'  
I'm shakin'  
I'm breakin'  
Like humans do._  
--

"So what did you wish?" I ask her.

She giggles and kisses me on the nose. "I wished that everyone could always be happy like today."

This surely can't be my child. But it's nice that she is.

--_  
I'm breathin' in.  
I'm breathin' out.  
(Ohhhhhh!)  
So slip inside this funky house.  
(Ohhhhhh!)_  
--

Bulma taps my shoulder and gestures to the sky. "I think we ought to start moving things inside. Looks like rain."

I set Bra down and she runs off to a group of playmates from school. Begrudgingly I follow my mate around with a trash bag for her to throw garbage in.

She glances at my annoyed expression. "What? Bored?"

"Oh, no." I snort. "This whole day has been completely enthralling."

She keeps tossing used plastic cups and paper plates into the trash bag with a strange smile on her face. I ignore her, but then she starts whistling and actually dancing while she leads me from table to table. I try to keep my dignity by not giving her a reaction, but then she starts twirling around me.

"Come on, Vejita!" she laughs. "It'll make the work fun!"

"Are you on something today?" I growl as people start to notice her dancing.

She finally stops. She pats me on the cheek and says, "Eh, you grump."

--_  
Wiggle while you work.  
Anybody can.  
The rain is pouring in  
On a woman & a man._  
--

The sky lets lose a barrage of raindrops. Everyone cries out in surprise and scramble for the house. Bulma cries out and stops dancing, and I head over with her to the gift table. We lift all the gifts at once using the tablecloth as a tarp and try to hurry over to the back door. Trunks is holding it open for us, and I can hear laughing voices inside as everyone marvels at the weather.

Bulma slips in the newly made mud. I reach out for her but manage to lose my own balance, so when she grabs my arm she takes me down to the wet ground with her. The laughter in the house explodes as the scene is perfectly viewable from the windows. Bulma is laughing too, and cannot stop after she attempts to get up only to slide down again and splash mud all over both of us and the gifts scattered all over the ground.

Kakarot, Trunks, and Goten come out to gather the presents so that they aren't ruined. Bulma gets on her knees and, still laughing, leans over me and grabs my hand. As she carefully stands she tugs on my hand to help me up, and as I get to my feet I find myself staring at her face, plastered with soaked blue hair and splattered with mud.

"What are you staring at?" she asks with a knowing giggle.

Why does your body make you blush anyway? "Nothing," I grunt.

"Hm." She grins madly, and I'm not sure why until she smashes mud into my face.

--_  
I'm achin'  
I'm shakin'  
I'm breakin'  
Like humans do.  
I'm breathin' in.  
I'm breathing out.  
(Ohhhhhh!)_  
--

Human existence is certainly strange.


End file.
